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drummergrl06's Blog


Work

Well, I'm about to get hired on at work...if I don't get fired first.  Steve (my ex from work) is pissed because I'm talking to one of our drivers.  He doesn't even know we hang out.  It's so stupid! Well, more about Chris (the driver Steve is pissed about). We went out a couple of weeks ago and had a great time. He took me out to dinner and we talked for hours. It was so nice to just get out and have fun with a guy with no pressures of it leading to sex. Granted, we did make out before leaving and I still get chills, but there was no sex at all. He has a girlfriend, so I'm trying to be good and respect that. My reputation with guys who are taken is not very good. Well, his girlfriend lives in Vegas and comes to visit every month or so. She just came and went last weekend. They got into a fight while she was here and he has been distant with me ever since. I'm kind of wondering if she saw our texts (which he said he was going to delete anyway). He said that he needs to figure stuff out. We were supposed to go to a baseball game together in a couple of weeks, but now I'm not sure that's going to happen. I am trying to not take it personal, but it sucks because I DO kind of like this guy. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens. I'm trying to find something wrong with him, but I haven't found it yet. Whatever. I just don't know whether to give up on him, even as a friend, or give him time.

Another Update

Well, I no longer work at the airport.  I got fired from there for stupid reasons that don't even make sense.  Whatever.  I lost my bf along with the job, but it's his loss.  Now I work at a welding distribution company.  It's a lot smaller office and again, I have a bf that I work with.  Nobody (except maybe two people) knows that we are dating, so that's good.  Well, nobody at work anyway.  My parents like him, which is saying a lot after last year.  It is hard to believe that it has been a year since everything started going to hell in a handbasket.  I don't miss Matt, I don't miss my life with him, I don't even miss Jason anymore.  I have come a LONG way emotionally.  Yeah, I still have my fun with guys, but even that has calmed down.  It's not an every week thing or anything like that like it was with Jason.  Sometimes that sucks, but I'm getting used to it.

I am hoping to pay off the apartments early then going to take Matt's fucking dumbass to court so hopefully I can get some money back since I've been the only one paying for them.  I have school, the apartments, my car and insurance, my parents, my credit card, etc.  Despite all of that, I have been doing REALLY well financially, so I'm excited that I'm getting back up on my feet.

I often wondered how women could be in abusive relationships and not know it.  Then I lived with Matt and found out.  Now I get it and I can see more of where an abused woman is coming from.  Some good things have happened, but it's still mostly bad.

Crazy Year

Wow!  I just read my last blog and almost started crying!  At the time when I wrote that, I didn't know how big of an asshole Matt really was.  I went from $8,000 in my bank account to $0 in a matter of three months.  My parents paid for me to come back to Oklahoma after I got a call threatening me with a warrant for my arrest because of a fraudulent check.  I HATED calling them and asking for help!  My car had already been turned off and we were about to be homeless.  Matt used me more than I have EVER been used before.  I still stood up for him for about a week after we got back.  He abused the shit out of me, too.  I had bruises up and down my body everyday from him hurting me.  He only hit me once, but he didn't have to hit me to hurt me.  He used me for my money.  I hate the fact that I fell for him.  It was the dumbest thing I've ever done.  Falling for Jason was even smarter than falling for Matt.

Now that I'm back in Oklahoma and living with my parents, I owe a shit load of money to our apartments because my move-in check bounced (had less money in my account than I thought), I have a credit card payment, a car payment, and insurance.  I hurt so many people in all of this.  The hardest thing for me to admit was that Matt was abusive.  My mom is paying for me to go to counseling.  Thank goodness!  I need it!  I have a job at the airport now, working with mostly guys.

There is a guy at the airport named Josh who VERY obviously likes me.  He is sooo sweet!  I'm just trying to get to know him right now.  There's another guy there who's dating a girl who works in a different hangar (and they're pretty serious from the sounds of it), and something about him just gets my hormones going ALL the time!  Just thinking about him gets me going!  It's crazy!  I don't particularly like it, but oh well.  He's just the type that I would be able to have fun with.  Josh is the one that I could see myself actually being in a relationship with.

I am just ready for things to finally work out again.  I start grad school in like 3 weeks.  I had to drop out last semester because we had to pawn my laptop, but now I'm back in and on probation (which is perfectly fine and understandable).

Life has been crazy and I'm ready for everything to calm down.  I have lost two friends in the last 3 weeks.  It hurts, but sometimes it has to happen.

Well, I better go to work.  Hopefully I'll stay awake.  I'm sure the mechanics will be sure that happens.  LOL!  They're good at that.  :)

End of Year Post

Well, a lot has happened this year.  I have slept with 3 guys (but four guys total in my life).  I fell in love with Jason.  I went out on a date and now he has a girlfriend but is still talking about having sex with me.  I have had multiple pregnancy scares.  Basically just a dramatic year as far as men go, but it's all good.

I got a job that pays $11.00/hour, which is AMAZING in this economy!  I am starting to really look at houses now to see when I can move out.  I plan on doing that VERY soon.  If I do, Jason (or whoever) can come over whenever they want.  I am so excited about getting my own place!  I think my mom is nervous about it, but I'll be fine.  We all have to start somewhere, and usually it's more in the ghetto area.  I have to build up to what they have...unless they die and I inherit it.  LOL!  JK! 

My job still pretty well sucks, but I'm getting in some overtime, which is good.  I am REALLY looking forward to those paychecks!  LOL!

I'm going Christmas shopping tomorrow for everybody.  I'm not really looking forward to the crowds, but oh well.  I can't get my mom what I want to get her because I can't stop by her chiropractor's office since I will be working at LEAST 10 hours a day this week since we are off on Friday.  I'm going to try to get even more hours in, though, just to get some more overtime in.  I know I don't like who I work with, but I REALLY need the money.  I'm learning a lot, but also making a lot of mistakes.  I am trying my best with everything I do, but I'm nowhere NEAR perfect, so they need to get over that.

I have been to the doctor so many times in the last 2-3 months it's crazy, but our new doctor is helping me out a lot and she's great!!  I got put on anti-depressants, so I'm feeling a lot better.  I also got put on something for my testosterone levels (they are on the upper level of normal).  I have been nice and awake since I started the meds.  She is talking about me possibly getting my tonsils taken out because I've been sick so much this year.  That would not break my heart.  I'm tired of always getting sick, and if getting my tonsils taken out will help, then I'm all for it!  :)

Well, I better go.  It's a relaxing night tonight.  :)
My mood: pretty calm

Jason and Work

OMG!  I had a pregnancy scare this past week.  Luckily I started my period, though, so I am apparently not pregnant.  When I texted Jason to tell him that, he never replied.  It has been about two days now and I still haven't heard anything.  He kind of sounded like he almost wanted me to get pregnant by him the other night.  If I get pregnant, there is NO way I can move out of state!  I can't live without Jason!  I love him way too much!  He means soo much to me!  I want to be with him for the rest of my life.

Well, work has been hell lately.  Scott Forbes told my boss, Sherry, that I have been socializing too much and now I can't talk to anybody...even about work.  Like today, I was giving Joe a wire because Melissa was gone and Sherry came up and asked how the mail was and I told her there was a lot on my desk and she said I better get on it.  Beverly heard Sherry ask me about it and told me to give her her mail and she would open it herself if I didn't mind.  I didn't give her mail to her.  I was not going to bother with her at all.  I don't like her anyway...like at all.  I can't stand where I work!!  I know a lot of it is because it's not where I want to work, but still!  Sherry was a great boss starting out, but since Scott said that, she hasn't been as great to me.  I don't know what to do.  I keep pissing everybody off.  It's not fair!  I know Sherry is the only one I should worry about making happy, but if the clerks aren't happy, then my life is a living hell!  It's not fair!  I wish I could afford to quit, but at $11.00/hour, I can't afford it.  That's why I'm going to go back to school in February...hopefully.  I am DESPERATE to get out of here!  If I didn't have to leave Jason, I would be more willing to go out of state, but I just can't leave him!

Why is life so complicated!!  I can't have a normal job or relationship!  It's not right!  But whatever.  I'll just be a scratcher again.  :(  My mood: extremely depressed

Poem for My Married Boyfriend

Your Touch
X's and O's

From me to you

All over your body

Then my body, too

 

Making love in the bedroom

Even in the car

No matter where it is

It's never too far

 

Your arms around me

Your lips touching mine

Make me feel so good

It should be a crime

Drew

Okay...last night was great!! There's a guy from church that I've like since high school. He fell off the face of the earth for awhile and next time I saw him he was married. Didn't make me too happy, but whatever. Now, him and his wife are in the midst of a divorce. Sucks, but it happens. He asked if I wanted to go see a movie last night, and we went and saw "Red Riding Hood" (not as scary as the commercials make it out to be, but it's a good movie). Before we went in, he admitted to having feelings for me and we made out for a little while, too. He then told me that he was not ready for a relationship yet. It kind of hurt, but I don't want him to rush into something he's not ready for. If he did, one or both of us would get hurt, so I told him I would wait for him. We plan on moving in together in a few months, though.

In other news, I am not sleeping with Jason since Drew came into the picture. There's a guy named Zach who lives in Tennessee who I have talked to online for about five years and he said that he got me a $10,000 engagement ring, which is pretty creepy since we have never met in person. Really weird.

And the best news of all...I got a job!!! Full time at $11/hr!!! It's awesome! I love the people I work with! Sadly, my boss is taking another position, but hey. It's better for him cause it's a couple of steps up the corporate ladder. It sucks because he's so laid back and stuff, but hey. Gotta do whatcha gotta do. We're all nervous about who's taking his place, but everything will be fine. I'm sure of it.

Well...I better go. Leave me some comments! I wanna talk!

I Will Never Be the One

I will never be his girl
I will never make him happy
I will always be another one
That made his life less crappy

I look at the girls he likes
I can never measure up
I don't know what to do
I am stuck in a rut

I was beginning to fall hard
Despite him being married
That was beginning to not matter
All the guilt that I had carried

I will never be the one
That he holds every night
Tightly in his arms
And makes me feel alright

                                                                                      February 2, 2011

Ugh!!!!

Okay...so my family is in Mississippi and I am TOTALLY bored!!!! There is nothing to do and my grandparents are too old to do anything anymore (especially since the one has alzheimers), so we are just stuck doing nothing! I want to go home and see Jason!!! I am DYING without him right now! I know he's married, but hey...he's amazing in SO many ways! I'm falling sooo hard for him! I want to go home! We're leaving for Missouri Wednesday, which shouldn't be AS boring. We'll see, though. There's more of our family there than my grandparents. We'll have some aunts, uncles, and cousins there, so it hopefully won't be as bad. I just miss my baby! I miss the way he holds me and the way he talks to me. He is so sweet! I miss him so much! He's all I've been able to think about like this entire trip! I won't get to see him at all this week, and probably not at all next week, either because I have an intercession that starts at 8:30 a.m. 2 1/2 weeks without him is killer! I wonder if he's really missing me as much as I miss him, and if he's missing me as much as he says he is. I'm hoping we'll be able to talk tomorrow night cause his wife has been off from work from Thursday-Tonight. She works nights, so that's when we're able to chat and get together and stuff. I haven't talked to Jonathon in like over a week. I asked him a simple question and he couldn't answer it. He just got offline. Oh well. I didn't want to be with him anymore anyway. He was driving me insane...in a bad way. I know Jason is trying to hide it, but I think he's pretty happy that Jonathon is out of the picture, and so are all of the other guys that I talked to on Yahoo....as far as pics and vids are concerned anyway. I'll still talk to anybody, it's just limited on what they'll get from me. LOL. Well, I better go. We're at Barnes and Noble in Tupelo, MS and I havce nowhere to plug my laptop in at. Don't know what I'm going to do when it dies. Guess we'll see. I'll talk to you later. Somebody e-mail me!!!!! I need someone to talk to!!!

Guilty

OMG! I really did not think I could ever feel this bad about myself! I just had sex with a married guy that I've known since I was 5. It was just that like everybody else was doing it and I was sick and tired of feeling left out. Plus, I really needed some physical contact with a guy, but it didn't have to be sex, it just ended up being that. I can't believe the mistake I've made. I can't take it back. I can't change it. I've lost my virginity on all levels now. My best friend tried to talk me out of it the other night when I told her I was going to have sex with this guy, but it just didn't work. I wish I would have listened to her. I hate myself right now. I tried so hard to not become a statistic, then I became one online, and now I am one physically. I can't believe myself! I always SWORE I would wait til I got married! I hate this! I hate myself!

Breakup

I broke up with Chris last Sunday (July 18th). It was nowhere near an easy decision, but I had to do what's right for me, and I feel that that was it. It's still hard and I wonder if I made the right decision, but when it comes right down to it, I think it was. We're still friends and I saw him one more time before my parents and I left for vacation (which he was initially supposed to go on with us) and everything seemed fine. I was kind of nervous, but we were joking around and stuff, so it seemed all good. I'm nervous about how he took it, but he rarely ever lets his feelings show (except anger, which is normal for guys). I just hope he's okay. I told him to not wait for me, but if he finds someone else to go ahead and be with her because I know he's more ready to be married than I am right now (at least age-wise). I guess we'll just see how things turn out. I don't know if he's the one for me or not, but I have plenty of time to figure that out.
I have actually been thinking, since we broke up, that maybe I'm supposed to be single for the rest of my life. I think I could easily hold my own and maybe that's why God has placed adoption on my heart so strongly. I don't know yet. We'll see. I have my whole life ahead of me, no need to rush. That's definitely something I have figured out in this experience. Just going to sit back and let things happen. :)

Blah

Well, life sure is complicated. I have been thinking about mine and Chris' relationship a lot lately and how we have been talking about our future and stuff. Even though we talk about it all the time, he won't say he loves me, and he won't kiss me. I'm going to have to talk to him and tell him that we can't talk about our future until he is emotionally ready for those two things. We're going in the wrong order of things. My emotional and physical needs aren't being met with those two things because we have moved so fast mentally. Hopefully taking a step back will help with that.
I've also been wondering if Chris is the one for me. I have been thinking and daydreaming about other guys lately and stuff. It really sucks being in this situation. I think I just want some more physical contact than I'm getting with Chris. It has been like at least four years since I last kissed a guy, and now that I'm in a relationship, it's almost like I have to have that. Chris knows that I want to kiss and say "I love you," but he doesn't want to do either of those things yet, which I respect. I also respect him enough to not cheat on him, but I don't know how much longer I can go without further physical contact. We hold hands and "snuggle" all the time at church and at my house when he comes over, but nothing else. He has been to Missouri to meet my aunt and uncle and he's going to a different part of Missouri to meet my dad's family at the end of the month.
I guess I just don't know what to do. I want to be with him, but then again I'm not so sure I do. I know relationships take work, but it can't be normal to daydream about other guys more than your own boyfriend. Maybe it's because I know we won't be going any further than holding hands and hugging. All of that is starting to get on my nerves, probably because there is no mixture of stuff. Of course, neither of us wants to have sex before we're married. I think I just need someone that's on the same page as me emotionally, physically, mentally, etc. I don't think we are. He doesn't even know my entire past. I haven't had the courage to tell him that he won't be the first one to see me nude. I figure I'll probably tell him after we get engaged, but I don't know that I'll even want to do that. I have no idea. He knows that I was molested and he respects my space as far as physical touch goes, but it's like he's too scared to do anything. He just drives me insane!!! I don't know what to do. He is so immature emotionally, and I don't think he realizes that. I think he thinks he's the most mature person on the planet in every area of life (if you heard him talk, you would understand).
Please be in prayer for me and Chris. I really need it. Thanks! Love you guys!

Dream

Okay...I had one of the scariest dreams I have ever had in my life. Even scarier than the dream of a snake turning into a green human! It was about our wonderful country that's going downhill so fast it's ridiculous!

My dream was basically of another Holocaust, but it was here in the U.S. I don't know about you, but that's pretty scary to think about. That's where our country may be headed unless we Christians rise up and pray against the enemy taking over this country! There are a lot of ruthless people out there who don't care about innocent lives, so we really need to start praying for this entire country. Wait...for this entire world!!! Please join with me in praying for the leaders all around the world and pray that my dream doesn't come true in any form or fashion. I don't want to see history repeat itself like this, so this world really needs our prayers. Thanks you guys! Love you!


Woohoo! Another Chris Update!!!

Chris and I are official!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo!!!! We are talking about our future together and everything!!!! We've talked about kids, weddings, and everything!!! We're going to start couples counseling with our youth pastor next month. Yay! We are soooo excited!

Okay...here's what led up to it:

Saturday night (February 6th):
Chris and I went bowling with my best friend Linda and her boyfriend David. Afterwards we went to dinner. David kept telling me to just kiss Chris, which would have been like totally bad, but I did tell Chris about my feelings for him that night. He said everything I expected (not wanting a relationship right now, etc.) except one thing: I asked if he thought there was hope for us, and he said he wasn't sure. :( That broke me. I cried myself to sleep Saturday night.

Sunday (February 7th):
I went to church and did not feel like seeing Chris more than necessary. We were supposed to have our singles life group, but because I did not want to see Chris (and because I didn't have enough money), it made it easier to tell him that I didn't want to go. Well, then he said that he would pay for my lunch, and it ended up just being the two of us going out to lunch after dropping my car off at the shop to get an oil change (another story in itself). We talked about Saturday night and everything and everything worked out okay. We went to the Super bowl party that night at another youth leader's house and flirted like crazy! It was fun! LOL!

Monday (February 8th):
Chris and I chatted on Yahoo and he admitted his feelings for me. We started talking about our future together and everything. We decided that this would be our anniversary. :)

Friday (February 12th):
Chris and I decided that we are officially in a courtship relationship. We changed our status on facebook to say that we are in a relationship.

Obviously, these last couple of weeks have been crazy, but in a good way. I am sooo happy to finally be with my future husband! Hope you single people feel this happiness soon! It's such an amazing feeling!


Important Update!

Saturday night, me, Chris, Linda, and her boyfriend David, all went bowling and out to eat at Outback Steakhouse. Well, a couple of weeks ago, Chris had upset me, but I didn't tell him that (it was an online conversation), but he could tell. Well, when we got to Outback, he basically made me tell him why I had gotten upset. I had gotten upset because he had said that he would tell a girl, if she was a friend, that he had feelings for her. Well, he hadn't said anything, so I basically figured he didn't have feelings for me. That pretty well broke me. Well, later that night, Linda was driving me and Chris back to our cars at the church and I told Chris how I felt and everything and he was all cool with it and everything, but he didn't want a relationship right now (I expected to hear that, and I don't want one right now, either). I told him that since neither of us wanted anything right now, it was just to get my feelings out on the table and I just needed to know if there was hope so I could know if I needed to move on or not. He said that he wasn't sure. I went to bed crying that night. Sunday we spent ALL day together. We had church, then I had to get an oil change, so he went to Hibdon's with me and we went across the street to Applesbee's and had lunch, and he paid (I had spent too much money the day before). We talked about everything that happened Saturday...again. Well, last night was quite interesting. We were talking about everything again, and he told me that he found it ironic that neither of us was interested in the other in the beginning, but now we're both interested in each other! How freaking awesome is that?! I am sooo excited! We still decided that we're going to wait until we're both ready. I'm graduating in December, then I'll be ready and waiting for him. :) I am sooo happy!!! Nothing can bring me down!

Well, that's it! Thought I'd let you guys hear some great news! Love you guys!


Life Update

Hey guys! Well, Chris and I have progressed a little more. He now knows about my past (not the whole online stuff and porn stuff, just the being molested part). He also informed me that he was autistic. I don't care (well, I mean I do, but I don't). I still love him like I did before. Nothing will ever change how I feel about him.

We had two funerals today, but I only went to one. I was supposed to go to a baby shower, but I got lost and didn't end up making it. :( Made me sad, but it's all good.

I get to take the summer off between semesters this year, so I'm really excited about that.

Well, I've decided some more stuff about my future (if it's God's plan like I hope it is). I'll be moving to Tennessee after I get married. I'll have my career there, live out in the country, and have a no-kill animal rescue shelter right beside my house. I will also have like 2 horses. I'm so excited about my future! Chris knows about all of this and he's okay with it. I hope so, since he's moving with me! :P LOL!

Well, I guess that's about it. Leave some comments and let me know that you're still alive! Love you guys!


Last Night

We had a game night at one of our youth leader's houses, one of the games being "Psychiatrist." This game is a lot of fun and you really get to know people this way. What really sucks sometimes, though, is you find out the truth about people. You take on the personality of the person to your right. Well, Sarah was sitting to my left and the "psychiatrist" was asking her questions, and she had to answer them how I would, and if she was wrong, I would say "Psychiatrist" and everybody would get up and switch seats and take on different personalities. Sadly, in this situation, I could not lie. The "psychiatrist" asked her if she liked a guy in the room (and keep in mind that she's taking on my personality), and Chris was there, so she said "yes," and I couldn't say anything. They asked her if he was wearing a blue sweater, which is what the other single guy in the group was wearing, and she said no (she does like him though), which left only Chris. They asked if she planned on kissing him, and she said yes, and then they asked if she planned on kissing him that night, and of course, she said no (since we're not together). By this time, I'm freaking out, I'm laughing so hard, there are tears streaming down my face. It was insane! After all of these questions, the "psychiatrist" figured out the problem. Chris left shortly after. He now knows for a fact how I feel about him. Everybody else pretty well knew because I pretty much have gone ahead and admitted it, but he had never heard me say it (well...sort of), so I think it may have shocked him. Sarah and Andrea (youth pastor's wife) say that he has known, but it may have shocked him to hear it out loud. He didn't say "bye" to anyone, including me. Pastor Josh tried to go get him, but I don't know if he got out there in time to talk to him or not. I have no idea. I'm really nervous about church tomorrow because we always sit together and everything. Another really cool thing is that he told Pastor Josh that he felt that he was to be married at age 32, which would put me about 27, which is exactly what I have felt because it will be like right after I get out of grad school, plus a year to get settled in my career, so yeah...coincidence? I think not. There are way too many things lining up, and they're kind of freaking me out in a way, but then again, I'm really excited. I'm just really nervous about last night because he didn't say bye to anybody, but just left. I don't know what to think. Please pray for peace for me and him. Thanks!


Update

Hey guys! I know it's been forever since I've been on here! It has been insane here! Chris and I are getting closer and closer. I got confirmation that he is going to be my husband someday. I am so excited! I have gone wedding crazy and we're not even dating yet! :P I know it sounds stupid, but hey...

School is going pretty good. I'm just sick of the evolution crap. It's driving me insane. We are running participants for my experimental psychology experiment. It's not going as well as we had hoped, but it's okay...I guess.

Church is going pretty good. Our youth group is growing. Our entire church is growing! October was an insanely busy month for us! We had BMX riders, a fall festival, gave away stuff from Wal-Mart to a couple hundred families, all in one month! It was an awesome and insane month that God just abundantly blessed us with!

I'm taking out a school loan for the first time next semester. Yikes!!! I'm dreading it. However, I will be done with my bachelor's degree next fall and this is the first loan I have had to take out, so I have been extremely blessed. Not to mention, my loan is only going to be for about $2,700 and until I get a good job, I can make minimum payments on it (trust me...that won't last for long 'cause I don't want to be paying for it for 10 years or more). God has really been blessing me and my family and friends. I'm really excited to see what the new year has for me/us. Maybe a wedding ring? Who knows except for God?

Well, just wanted to give a quick little update. Hope you guys are doing amazing!!! Happy early Thanksgiving! Love you guys!


Chris and Tony

Okay...I know what you all are thing: "Oh great. She's debating between two guys again. Ugh!" Wrong!!!

I'm going to start with Chris because I'm about to burst! I was talking to our youth pastor's wife (Chris and I both work with the youth, so we know Josh and Andrea fairly well) tonight about Chris, letting her know that Chris and I aren't together yet, but that I really do like him. We were both kind of hinting at the fact that there would be a long future, so I just told her that I saw myself being with him for the rest of my life and that I had prayed about it. One of the reasons I feel that it is Chris is because I have asked God that the next man I am with be the one for me, and God put Chris in my life, and I know he's the one for me for life. Well, I told Andrea that I felt he was the one, and she said that her and Josh had talked about it, and they were feeling the same thing. I have been praying for confirmation, making sure that it's not just me, and I got it tonight!!! Now, we just have to work on getting together in the first place. Haha! We'll get there someday! Obviously! :) OMG! I have never been so happy in my life! If you could only feel how I do in my heart right now! I can't believe it! I have a few more years before I want to get married, but just knowing that it is who I thought it was going to be, it just puts the icing on the cake! God has been working with me really hard on patience, and I think this was kind of my reward. I've been doing better. I still have a lot of work to do, but hey...I'm only human!

Okay...onto Tony. He is one of the BEST guy friends I have EVER had in my life! I just started talking to him again after losing contact with him a few years ago. We used to go to the same church, but then we both started going through a lot of crap because of that church. He missed a few times because he couldn't get there (circumstances beyond his control), and the church told him he was going to hell. Obviously, that's bull! I even told him the other night that I wished there was something more that I could have done, and let him know that what they said was bull. I really want him to try our church so he can feel the love that I felt/feel when I started going there. I know if he does, he may start going to church again. I love Tony with all my heart (like a brother, strictly), and I hate hearing about his now destructive lifestyle. He's drinking and sleeping around, and it's just really sad. I wish I could do more, but I can't force him to go to church. I've told Chris about him and I think Chris is a little jealous, but he has nothing to worry about, obviously! :) I know God will work a miracle in Tony's life. I just can't wait to see it happen!

Well, I need to go. I'll talk to you guys later!! Maybe my next blog will be announcing that Chris and I are together finally, or who knows? Maybe even engaged! :P


Messed Up

Well, tonight I hung out with one of the new MC girls and we got to know each other pretty well, which may have ended up being a bad thing. My "little sister" is really gullible apparently, so we decided to kind of gang up on her and trick her with different stuff (we did this at a restaurant through text messages). Then, we were both in the mood for hot chocolate, so we came to my house and I fixed us some and my mom overheard us talking about our plans, which made her angry enough to want to kick me out if I didn't stop it. After I dropped off the MCer, I got home and my mom talked to me and reminded me of how gullible I was at that age and what it felt like when my friends did pranks like this to me. After realizing what I easily may have done, I texted my "little sister" and apologized, and so did the MCer. There is a lot more that the MCer is going to have to apologize for, but I am out of the situation now. I just hope my "little sister" will still trust me after what I did. I feel so bad. I was not being a good youth leader, role model, "big sister," or adult for that matter. I am like almost feeling sick because of how guilty I feel for what I did. I hate it when I screw up and have to apologize for something.

On a lighter note, Chris and I are talking a lot more! It's nuts! Probably a good 10-15 people have said something about us being together now. One girl actually asked if my purity ring was a promise ring from him and I had to convince her that we are not together. It was pretty funny. He is still amazing in every sense of the word, but still driving me nuts, but it's okay. He's worth the wait (or at least he better be!).

The youth leaders went camping a couple of weekends ago, including me. I had a BLAST!!! I really didn't think I would enjoy it, but I had a lot of fun. The three things I didn't like, though, were the daddy-long-legs, the freezing cold (none of us took enough blankets, but we'll know better next time), and the port-a-potty that a girl took because there was nothing else but the trees where we were at (a gas station 3 miles down the road, which I really would have went to, gladly, but I used the port-a-potty twice). It was nice getting away from the city and everything. We played "Naked," "Psychiatrist," and "Mafia." Please do not ask for an explanation on any of them, it's too hard to explain! We had a ton of fun, though! I can't wait until next year!

School's going okay. Not much of an update there. Just getting ready to run our experiment in my experimental class (once the IRB is approved), so we're looking forward to that.

Other than all of this, all is just normal. Hope you guys are doing great! Talk to you guys soon!


1-20 of 52 Blogs   

Previous Posts
Work, posted April 27th, 2013
Another Update, posted February 17th, 2013
Crazy Year, posted August 1st, 2012
End of Year Post, posted December 17th, 2011
Jason and Work, posted September 23rd, 2011
Poem for My Married Boyfriend, posted July 17th, 2011
Drew, posted March 26th, 2011
I Will Never Be the One, posted February 2nd, 2011
Ugh!!!!, posted December 28th, 2010
Guilty, posted October 21st, 2010, 1 comment
Breakup, posted July 27th, 2010
Blah, posted July 1st, 2010
Dream, posted April 18th, 2010
Woohoo! Another Chris Update!!!, posted February 18th, 2010
Important Update!, posted February 9th, 2010
Life Update, posted January 24th, 2010
Last Night, posted November 21st, 2009
Update, posted November 18th, 2009
Chris and Tony, posted October 28th, 2009
Messed Up, posted October 13th, 2009
"Let's Pray America", posted September 24th, 2009
More Prophecies, posted September 24th, 2009
Future Husband, posted September 11th, 2009
Prophecy, posted September 5th, 2009
Future, posted August 24th, 2009, 1 comment
Church, posted August 20th, 2009
Theme Park, posted August 17th, 2009, 3 comments
July 4th, and the Last 10 Days, posted July 9th, 2009
"Every Little Thing" by Hawk Nelson, posted July 9th, 2009
Chris Again :) :) :), posted June 14th, 2009
Chris, posted June 14th, 2009
I Think I Messed Up, posted June 10th, 2009, 1 comment
Song and Word, posted May 25th, 2009
Dad's Testimony, posted May 6th, 2009
Church, posted April 6th, 2009, 1 comment
Guilty, posted April 2nd, 2009
Adam Once Again, posted March 30th, 2009
Hurt, posted March 23rd, 2009, 2 comments
Church Tonight, posted March 18th, 2009
Adam, posted March 16th, 2009
Nervous, posted February 22nd, 2009
I'm Done!!!, posted February 20th, 2009
Journal Entries Written At School, posted February 11th, 2009
A Little Bit Of Everything, posted January 26th, 2009
Recent News, posted January 15th, 2009, 5 comments
Out of work and mom and ******* me off, posted January 3rd, 2009
President and Finances, posted December 9th, 2008
Perfect, posted November 11th, 2008, 1 comment
Two Guys, posted November 7th, 2008, 1 comment
I Had To, posted October 25th, 2008
1-50 of 52 Blog Posts   

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